


Something Wicked

by Eiiri



Series: In From the Cold-verse [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Broadway, Bruce and Betty Reunite, Bruce is Awkawrd, Clint can do Hair, F/M, M/M, Paparazzi, Tony is Actually Generous, Wicked - Freeform, fancy dinner, musical theatre, night off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-28
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 05:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3838282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eiiri/pseuds/Eiiri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After #shieldfiledump and the demise of S.H.I.E.L.D. as the world knew it, most of the Avengers have been living at Stark Tower.  They take a night off from working out relationship issues, dealing with the aftermath of brainwashing and amnesia, fighting with bureaucratic BS, and doing science to go see Wicked on Broadway.</p><p>The events of this story go in between In From the Cold chapters 20 and 21.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

After lunch, Steve and Bucky returned to Steve's room where they spent the afternoon hard at work, collaborating on Bucky's Hydra diagrams and cartography project. Toward evening, their focus and quiet were disrupted when Tony burst dramatically through the door laden with garment bags and other shopping spree refuse. "Happy unbirthday, I bought you suits. At least I'm pretty sure it's neither of your birthdays. I know it's not Steve's, 'cause that's the goddamn Fourth of July because of course it is. Barnes is it your birthday?"

"Uh, no." Bucky glanced at Steve.

"Tony, you really didn't have to—"

"Yes I did." Tony strode past them to hang up the garment bags. "The only clothes Sergeant Hook actually owns are a beat up pair of cargo shorts, boots, and a vest-harness-thing." He paused. "Okay, if Barnes is Hook, you are definitely Peter Pan, Cap. You even have the whole not aging thing going. Anyway, all you've got by way of formal wear is your dress blues and you are not wearing those to the theatre."

"There is nothing wrong with wearing a dress uniform to—"

"No." Tony shook his head, dropped one of the bags he was carrying, and pulled a shoebox out of it. "Got you both shoes. Pulled all your sizing stuff from S.H.I.E.L.D. gear issue records, and damn, Cap, you have positively dainty feet for a guy your size. Never noticed that, don't look at your feet much. Barnes, couldn't find sizing for you so Jarv scanned you, hope you don't mind. Catch." He tossed Bucky a tissue-paper wrapped package.

Bucky caught it deftly and unfolded the paper. Inside were a pair of soft, dark red gloves.

"We have expensive seats, you've got fancy duds, it's still pretty cool at night, no one will question a nice pair of gloves. You can both borrow watches, cufflinks, and ties from me, I have plenty to go around." Tony swept out of the room as suddenly as he had come in, leaving a post-storm kind of quiet behind him.

Bucky experimentally pulled one glove onto his left hand. "If I'm Hook, and you're Peter, does that make Peggy Tinkerbell?"

Steve couldn't help but laugh. He shook his head. "I'm not sure how she'd feel about that, but yeah, I think it does."

 

* * *

 

"You shouldn't have told them you do hair," Coulson chuckled the next afternoon, watching Clint play stylist to Pepper, Natasha, Maria, and Jemma in the makeshift salon that was the kitchen.

"You know what?" Clint said through a mouthful of bobby pins. "Fuck you."

The women all laughed. Maria shrugged unapologetically. "You volunteered."

"I volunteered to help _Pepper_." Clint finished pinning up one of Natasha's titian curls. "Okay, I'm done. If any of the four of you want anything else done, do it yourselves or help each other. While I'm in the mindset, I'm gonna go make sure Barnes doesn't look like a hobo, and then I'm getting dressed. Phil are you dressed? I can't tell because suit."

Coulson shrugged. "I might change ties."

Maria shot him a look. "Phil."

"Or I guess I could put on a better suit."

"Why don't you do that?" Pepper said with a smile, her hair swept up in a graceful cascade of braids and curls.

"Everyone else is spiffing up," Natasha quipped.

Clint shoved a hairbrush through his belt loop, grabbed a hair tie and a couple pins, then turned to slip from the room, pausing in the doorway to look back at Phil. " _Sisters?_ " he signed, blocking the women's view of his hands with his body.

"Yes," Coulson laughed, prompting a barrage of questions as Clint fled, laughing, down the hall.

He got to Steve's room, knocked, and let himself in without waiting for an answer. "Actually, I don't care if you're naked. Wow, did Tony seriously deck you out in red, white, and blue?"

"Yes," Steve said, fiddling with his scarlet tie, "he did. Even offered me a flag lapel pin."

Clint took a moment to take in the crisp white shirt, navy herringbone suit pants, and the matching jacket draped over a chair. "Wow." He shook his head then turned to the other man in the room. "Barnes, I'm fixing your hair."

"Uh, alright." Bucky looked up from fighting with the buttons of his dark red buttondown as Clint advanced on him with a hairbrush.

"There's a fine line between rock star and bum when it comes to men with long hair, and you're skirting it," Clint explained, pulling the sergeant's hair back into a neat ponytail. "It helps that you shaved."

 

* * *

 

"Happy's pulling the limo around," Tony said as he passed out sunglasses. "Greek for dinner."

Bucky turned the glasses over in his hands. "Tony, it's night."

"Doesn't matter when you're rich." Tony put his own shades on with a grin then snatched a trilby from the table behind him and plopped it on Barnes's head. "There, you look like, I dunno, the swanky head of some grassroots upstart company. It's perfect."

Natasha pulled up the hood of her lace capelet. "And I look like Red Riding Hood meets Lady Marmalade."

"I think you look fantastic," Clint said, pulling on a pair of opera gloves.

"I never said anything to the contrary." Natasha smirked.

Coulson rolled his eyes, then put on his own hat and sunglasses. "How do I look?"

Clint gave him a once over. "Like Mafia."

"No, he doesn't." Natasha shook her head.

"Yes, he does."

"No, he doesn't."

"He looks like movie Mafia," Steve said firmly, halting the bickering. He put on the red fedora Tony had furnished him with. "I, meanwhile, feel ridiculous."

"You shouldn't," Jemma said. "I love the hat. The hat works _surprisingly_ well."

Fitz nodded his agreement from under the brim of his flatcap.

Pepper walked up, tucking her phone into her purse. "Are we ready to duck the paparazzi without looking like we're trying to duck the paparazzi?"

"We're missing Bruce," Tony said.

"No you're not!" Bruce called, coming down the hall, buttoning his vest.

Coulson frowned at him. "Are you wearing a three piece suit without the jacket?"

"I never even bought the jacket." Bruce shrugged and tugged at the cuff of his purple shirt.

"So we've got Bruce." Clint looked around. "Where's Maria?"

"Oh, she's not riding with us," Pepper said. "She's bringing someone else. I forgot, only Natasha was there when I told Tony we needed a twelfth ticket."

Before anyone could inquire, Tony's phone chirped. "And that, my dears, is our ride."

 

* * *

 

"Ah, Ms. Potts," the maitre d' said smoothly. "Right this way, we have you in your usual private room. Two of your guests arrived a few minutes ago. Though I must admit, Mr. Stark, we weren't expecting you tonight."

"Nor were you supposed to be." Tony grinned.

"She has a usual private room?" Steve asked of no one in particular.

Natasha, her arm looped through his as they made their way to their table, shrugged. "For working dinners, I'd guess."

Tony clapped the maitre d' on the shoulder. "One thing."

"Yes, sir?"

"If anyone asks, this is a wedding party."

"Oh?" The maitre d' did an admirable job of not sounding confused. "And who might the happy couple be?"

Natasha gave a very fake cough and looked pointedly at Coulson.

"We're not—" He stopped, having noticed Clint scowling at him. "Yet. We're not yet."

"That was a horrible save, bro." Tony bit back a smirk.

Clint relinquished Phil's arm and attached himself to Jemma.

"Them, Miss?" the maitre d' asked rather playfully. "I'd thought they were already married."

"Common law." Natasha shrugged.

The maitre d' made a sound of understanding.

A pocket door separated the private room from the rest of the restaurant. The lively group of ten spilled haphazardly through the doorway and into the well-appointed dining room. Inside, facing the doorway, Maria stood, quietly conversing with a slender brunet whose back was to the group.

Tony said, "I didn't know Maria—"

With a firm and sudden grip on his arm, Pepper stopped Tony's flow of words.

Beside Pepper, Bruce had gone very still. His face went white. "Stark," he choked out. "What have you done?"

 


	2. Chapter 2

"Stark," Bruce choked. "What have you done?"

Tony's eyebrows quirked up. "I'm sure I haven't done anything because I haven't got clue one for what you might be talking about."

The woman talking with Maria slowly turned around. She was pretty, with a sweet face. She fastened glittering anxious eyes on Bruce's face. "I..." She faltered and took a breath. "Hope you aren't angry."

"A-angry? No. Not angry. I—"

Jemma slipped out from between Bucky and Clint to guide Bruce gently into a chair. "More like shocked, I think."

Tony quietly ordered a snifter of brandy for Bruce, and several bottles of wine. The rest of the group, in various stages of being perplexed, began settling into chairs.

The woman sat in a chair next to Bruce. She touched his hand but he flinched away. She sighed and sat back. "I can't help but wonder how you're doing," she said, pointedly. "Can't help but hope you're all right."

"I'm..." Bruce exhaled a puff of breath. "...okay."

She studied her short but nicely manicured nails. "I haven't heard from you, at all. Was wondering if you'd died then someone bothered to tell me you were in town. Would have appreciated it if you'd been the one to volunteer that information."

Bruce cringed. "Betty, I meant to—"

"You didn't."

"No, I didn't..."

Whispers made their way down the table. "Betty?" "Yeah, you know, Dr. Ross." "They used to date." "Ohh. I see. Well, I think I do."

Betty shot a look at the gossips. "Hi, Dr. Elizabeth Ross, nice to meet you."

"Clint Barton," Clint said, waving at her even as he side-eyed Bruce, "fellow member of the My Boyfriend Fails To Mention He's Not Dead club. I know a good couple's therapist."

"We're not a couple." Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose as Betty snorted her agreement. "This is a very bad idea."

"I've got a handgun loaded with tranqs strapped to my thigh," Maria said with a casual shrug.

Bruce snapped his head up and around to look at Maria. "That is _not_ comforting."

"Actually..." Natasha twirled a butter knife between her fingers.

"I meant that she's anticipating a particular reaction."

"Not anticipating," Maria said. "Prepared for."

"Were you a boyscout?" Steve asked with hesitant playfulness.

"Yup."

Betty put a hand to her mouth, laughing at the comment. Bruce dropped his face into one hand. Betty put an arm around his shoulders and patted his back. "I like your friends."

"Great."

A waiter entered, carrying the snifter of brandy, accompanied by the sommelier with his selection of wines.

Tony accepted the brandy. He held the snifter out to Bruce. "Breathe this in, even if you don't drink it."

"I don't drink," Bruce mumbled, but took the brandy anyway and sank back in his chair.

"I know." Tony clapped his shoulder. "I'll drink it for you later."

"Am I the only one reminded of those YouTube videos of soldiers coming home from tours in the Middle East and getting mobbed by their pets and/or kids and/or spouses?" Natasha asked lightly. "Something about the shock, and the nearly crying, and the awkward."

Betty allowed herself a small laugh. She nodded to Pepper. "Thank you for inviting me."

"Do the two of you actually know each other," Bruce asked, pushing the snifter across the table toward Tony, "or has Stark's penchant for sifting through people's files rubbed off on you?"

"Oh, no, we've met." Pepper grinned.

"At a women in science conference," Betty added.

"Of course you have."

Wine was poured for most of the diners at the table just before the salad was served. Bottles of imported sparkling water with ornate paper labels were served to Bruce, Steve, and Bucky.

Coulson studied the glass of ruby colored wine in his hand. "Are we speaking?"

Clint cast his eyes toward Coulson. "For now. The night's still young."

"I'm almost surprised you're sitting with me."

"I guess we're all broken toys." Clint shrugged. "I already know you're broken in that way, so I figured it wasn't worth ruining a perfectly good date."

Jemma said. "That's much sweeter than when you were still shooting his coffee."

Maria leaned forward. "When was Clint shooting the Director's coffee?"

"When they weren't speaking," Natasha said. "Apparently it was a form of communication."

"Yeah," Coulson said on a breath.

"Oh no," Clint said, "I cannot be thinking about this while we're still shackled by Mockta's evil."

"General Mockta isn't evil," Bucky said.

Tony raised an eyebrow. "General?"

The main course arrived. Everybody dug in. More wine was poured. Betty and Bruce continued talking quietly only to each other. Bruce was visibly tense at times.

"I still want to hear about the coffee shooting," Maria said. "You mean, with arrows?"

Fitz nodded. "It would go straight through the paper cup and leave two parallel star burst shapes."

"The Director was especially endearing," Jemma said, "when he'd come into the kitchen in Agent Barton's pajamas and drinking from a shot paper cup."

Coulson's mouth dropped slightly open. "Do you all just sit around gossiping about our relationship?"

"That. And others." Natasha looked at him askance. "It's a natural subject and has been pretty entertaining at times."

Coulson rubbed his temple. "I prefer to avoid this kind of thing, which is why—"

"Quit while you're ahead," Clint warned. "I can only absorb so much in one night."

"I, for one," Tony said, "am in favor of well conducted office romances. They're among the finest things in life."

Coulson shot him a look. Fitz became very interested in his salad.

Pepper grinned. "Thank you."

"You make me feel like the ground beneath my feet is firm, kinda keep me sane."

She put an arm around him. "Apparently not too sane."

Tony's mouth crooked to the side. "It is me after all."

In the brief lull in the banter after Tony's comment, it was quiet enough that Bruce could be heard confessing in hushed tones. "I know you're still publishing. I read your last paper." His face colored.

Betty's eyebrows went up. "You could have texted me or something. Let me know what you thought."

"You're adorable you know." Bucky peeled off the last shred of paper label from his bottle of sparkling water. He grabbed Steve's bottle and began peeling the label off of it.

"Who are you talking about?" Steve said.

Bucky looked up, startled. "Huh?"

"And what are you doing?" Natasha said.

Wide-eyed, Bucky stared at Natasha and then at the strip of label in his hand. He stared at the small pile of label bits beside his glass as if just then becoming aware of them.

"Anybody other than me ever watch _Firefly_?" Tony asked.

Out of a forest of blank stares, Clint raised his hand cautiously. "Most of it."

"Good enough." Tony pointed at Bucky but spoke to Clint. "River."

Clint blinked slowly then laughed. "Oh my God, yes! He is totally River."

"What?" Bucky asked.

Steve shook his head. "I have no idea what this conversation is about."

As dessert arrived, Tony grabbed Bruce's untouched snifter of brandy. Everyone else opted for coffee.

"So, you're going to study those two?" Betty unobtrusively looked Steve and Bucky over.

Bruce nodded.

"I'd like to help."

Bruce gave her a startled look.

After dinner, Pepper paid the tab while Tony went to have the limo pulled around. Pepper and Tony hung back a bit while the others piled into the limo, keeping their faces away best they could from the one paparazzo who'd figured out that something other than a wedding party must be going on.

Tony leaned toward Pepper. "She's going to wind up using Steve and Bucky's blood to try to help Bruce."

Pepper smiled. "Better her than Bruce."

Tony's eyes widened then he grinned. "This is why you're in charge."

"Don't you ever forget it."

He nuzzled her neck. "I won't."

Black lace hood hiding her hair and partly concealing her features, Natasha paused in stepping into the limo. The slit in her red skirt caused the fabric to drape away from her bent knee and exposed that leg. She called back to Tony and Pepper, "I'd say get a room but we're on a schedule here."

The only good photo the paparazzo got was of Natasha's unconsciously sexy pose and Tony and Pepper canoodling on the steps behind her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say hi to Betty, everyone. I did not originally plan on her showing up in this series but she did. Characters, I swear. Always doing what you don't plan on them doing.


	3. Chapter 3

Happy angled the limo as close to the front door of the theater where _Wicked_ was playing as he could so the group had the best possible chance to duck the three paparazzi milling about. Tony walked briskly, leading his well-dressed group of twelve to the front door. They swept into the lobby, just early enough that the lobby wasn't packed yet. A pair of young twin girls looked around from drooling over souvenirs to gape at the glitterati. Bucky tipped his hat at them and they clutched at each other in fits of giggles. Steve elbowed him lightly.

"We have mezzanine seats," Pepper said herding the gaggle of spies and soldiers and scientists toward the stairs.

The group took up almost the entire center row of seats at the front of the balcony. Bucky leaned on the railing, sunglasses tucked into his breast pocket, studying the clockwork-design detailing around the stage. Natasha tugged him back from the edge. "Don't make yourself noticeable."

He blinked at her. "Right."

"Oh, he's fine," Tony said easily. "I know me paparazzi when I see them; relax a little, Red."

Natasha scowled as Steve joined Bucky at the rail. Next to her, Clint started laughing. She glared at him. He waved her off. "Not you. I'm not laughing at you."

Getting confused looks from Natasha, Phil, Maria, and FitzSimmons, Clint held up his left wrist, tapped on his smart watch, and lowered his voice. "I tapped into the crew's headsets. There's a shoe missing, and some woman named Shelly got herself locked in a closet. Apparently Shelly's into ladies. Narnia jokes are being made." He chuckled again. His colleagues all rolled their eyes.

Bucky watched the seats fill down below. The twin girls went running down the aisle to the front row, followed by their parents. The sergeant smiled, watching them. "Can't imagine what it's like to grow up nowadays."

"Me neither." Steve chuckled. "God knows we'd have turned out different."

"Mm." Bucky tapped his fingers on the rail, the metallic tinking muted by his glove. Steve clapped his shoulder. The houselights dimmed.

 

* * *

 

Having gone to the ladies' room, Pepper rejoined the others in the lobby during intermission. Tony absently handed her a glass of wine.

"Please, Bruce," he was saying. "Just once. For Halloween?"

"You are absolutely not painting me green."

"But the internet knows exactly what makeup they use!" Tony protested. "It's MAC! There's a MAC store in Times Square, we could buy it on the way home."

"I think they'd be closed by the time the show's over," Betty said pleasantly, her arms crossed defiantly.

Tony tapped at his phone for a second. "They're open 'til midnight."

Betty raised her eyebrows at him.

Tony took a step away from her. "Bruce, she's scary, you know that right? Did you know that before you started dating her or..."

"I know, I knew," Bruce said, "and you're one to talk."

"Why, thank you," Pepper said brightly.

"You know," Natasha mused, joining the conversation, "I've been painted green. Same kind of makeup. Washes off easier than you'd expect."

Tony looked hopeful. Bruce glared. "Still not happening."

"Fine," Tony sighed. "Why were you painted green?"

"Had to blend in at Comicon. The more naked you are, the less threatening you seem, so I went as an Orion slave girl."

"Did people die?" Pepper asked cautiously.

"Fewer than otherwise would have."

On the other side of the lobby, Clint and the supersoldiers were among the press of bodies around the souvenir counter. While Clint handed money over, Bucky looked balefully at a holiday ornament. "I'm not sure when the last time I celebrated Christmas was."

Steve frowned, got a clerk's attention, gestured at the ornament, and pulled out his wallet.

"Steve, don't—"

"I have back pay, it's not a problem."

When the lights blinked, signaling that intermission was nearly over, everyone headed back to their seats. Clint dropped a black cube cardboard box into Phil's lap.

"What's this?"

"Fucking expensive coffee cup."

Phil chuckled and signed _thank you_ as the lights went down and the music started back up.

 

* * *

 

After several rounds of wild applause, the lights came up at the end of the play and there was an instant of rustling stillness before people in the audience began getting up in pairs and groups to leave. In the Avengers group, several faces were flushed with pleasure. Tony, as the _de facto_ host of the outing, beamed at the obvious success of this social event. Pepper whispered to Tony, "I'll be right back," and slipped out of her seat. Bucky and Steve simply looked stunned.

"Musicals weren't like this when we were young," Bucky breathed.

"No, they weren't," Steve agreed. "Not that we went to many. I only went a couple of times on school field trips. You know, _The Nutcracker_."

Eyes focused in the distance, Bucky nodded. Mild concern evident in Steve's face, he clasped Bucky's arm. Voice level, he said, "I never realized the Wicked Witch of the West was such a sympathetic character."

Still distant, Bucky said, "I'm sort of like Elphaba."

"I can see it." Clint stood.

Natasha gripped Bucky's shoulder and coaxed him up. Still holding Bucky's arm, Steve helped.

Elegant and confident, Pepper smoothly made her way through the remaining crowd and made it look easy, even though she was swimming against the tide of people leaving. When she made it back to their row, Tony leaned toward her. "God, you're sensuous when you exude quiet power."

Pepper smiled and put a hand on his shoulder. "I scouted a bit. There's usually more paparazzi at the door at the end of an event than there is at the beginning. This is no exception."

He nodded. "A lot?"

"At least a dozen."

Tony gestured. "There's gonna be photos at the door, no way to totally escape that. Coulson, hat and shades and latch on to a woman. You need to be hard to identify. Barnes, we can't afford for there to be even fuzzily identifiable pictures of you. You're going to have to go home in a cab."

"I'll go with him," Steve said.

"No." Maria stepped forward. "I'll take him. The two of you together are too noticeable, and the opposition knows you have history." She repositioned Steve at the rail to provide better cover for her, and stepped into the group in the most visually protected spot. She hiked up her skirt, unstrapped the tranq gun from her thigh, and then unobtrusively passed it to Natasha. Natasha exchanged places with Maria, hiked her skirt up, and strapped the tranq gun on.

"She has a good point," Pepper said. "Maria, charge the cab ride to your SI expense card. You're on the clock as his body guard until you get back to the tower. I trust you have another gun?"

Maria nodded and took Bucky's arm. He was still staring vacantly.

"Red." Tony's voice made it clear he was giving orders. Natasha arched an eyebrow at him. "Put your hood up and distract the paps with your assets." She grinned. "Steve," Tony continued, "make out with Natasha on the way to the limo."

Bucky's head snapped around at that. Maria coaxed him forward. "Come on tall, dark, and shellshocked, let's slip out a side door."

"I should take a cab too," Betty said. "I'll go with them."

Maria looked over her shoulder. "Handsome, here, could totally have two women with him, wouldn't raise an eyebrow. Get in the cab with us."

Betty nodded. "Great to see you, Bruce." She kissed his cheek. "You're free to call any time," she said pointedly. She stepped over to Maria and Bucky, took his other arm, and then helped Maria maneuver him up the aisle. Bruce stood for a moment with his hand to his cheek.

Pepper nudged Tony. "We should hang back at the door, make out, give the paparazzi a target."

"Awesome," he said. "I should have a drink in my hand for that, make it an even more attractive photo op for the bloodsuckers."

"We'll be at the bar," Pepper said, "getting a glass of red wine. Wait on us. We'll need to be in place first to give you cover."

"Geez," Coulson said. "I feel like I need my earpiece for this op."

"That would actually be helpful," Natasha said.

The paparazzi ducking went off without a hitch. After all, they were professionals at covert ops. Pepper and Tony were the last to get in the limo. With a collective sigh, the group settled back in their seats.

When they were well underway, Clint leaned toward Natasha. "Did you know Elfie'd lost Boop's number?" Clint employed the twinspeak he shared only with Natasha.  
She shrugged. "Elfie changed schools and got a new phone."  
"That's what Facebook's for."  
Natasha shot him a gentle glare. "You're just still pissed Fox unfriended you."  
"We're cool but that shit stays in your timeline. I feel Boop."  
"I know." She rolled her eyes.

Steve made a face. "What are you two talking about?"

"Our favorite reality show," Natasha deadpanned.

Clint broke out in a genuine, shining guilty-pleasure grin that confirmed Natasha's statement.

A few rounds of smalltalk later, they finally made it back to the tower.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note on Clint and Natasha's twinspeak; Elfie is Bruce-he has had that alias since before they went to see Wicked but it is a reference to the whole green thing. Boop is Betty, a reference to Betty Boop-pretty sure Clint made that up on the spot. Fox is Coulson, a reference to Fox Mulder from The X Files.


End file.
